The Bellas and the Blacks converse
by Vitzy
Summary: Bella, Sirius, Jacob and Bellatrix are forced to be together. Turns out that despite them not initially getting along, they can actually have a decent conversation - kind of. And just who is Bellatrix's secret crush?   Pure crack-fic. R&R please.


**Disclaimer: I do not own anything other than the plot and most of the dialogue. Look, if you recognise it, it's not my work, okay?**

**A/N: Finally…. the long awaited sequel to Sirius! Meet the other Black! Which in itself is a sequel to Bella! Meet Bella! But you really don't have to have read them to understand this – although some more readers would be lovely :) (By the way the long awaited sequel bit was a joke)**

_-The Bellas and the Blacks-_

…_._

"So," Isabella began in a false cheery voice. Sirius stared at her curiously. "Aren't you supposed to speak in a monotonous voice?" Bella just stared at him as if he were a dog (ha-ha – the irony)

"OI! Eyes off of my Bells!" Bellatrix snored at Jacob's possessiveness.

"What?" Jacob snarled. Bellatrix turned up her nose in a pure Black fashion and spoke in a haughty tone… "I am more obsessed with the love of my life than you are with yours." She looked quite proud of that fact.

"What, Roddy?" Sirius asked in sarcasm.

"Err no…"

"It's my Edward, isn't it!"? Bella spoke up in a teary voice.

"Hells No! A vampire? Please I like eating garlic!"

"They're not allergic to garlic, you plonker." Jacob said rolling his eyes.

"Well if its not Rudolphus and its not the vampire, who the hell is your secret crush?" Sirius asked in irritation.

"Why do you care?" Bellatrix all but screamed.

"Because I feel threatened by you." Bella informed Bellatrix, inflating the raven-haired woman's ego a bit more.

"Because I already know that Sirius has a secret crush on his future god-son's best friend. I have a crush on Bella's future kid and Bella has a crush on the bloodsucker's money." Jacob informed the group.

"And I'm your cousin. It's my duty to protect anyone you may have a crush on from _you._" Sirius said seriously (again, no pun intended).

"Well keep guessing, you total imbeciles, you'll never know the truth!" And Bella tries to disapparated with that statement but Sirius turns into Padfoot and catches her before she can go away. Bellatrix growls in frustration.

Jacob thinks it is a game and tries to join in.

"SHUT UP, IDIOTS!" Bella shouts over the incessant growling. "We _still _don't know who she fancies."

"Who is she? The cat's mother?" Bellatrix asks offended. Isabella just flips her off.

"Err..James?" Jacob asks in concentration.

"Oh my goodness, Jake, she just said she won't date a vampire! What are you deaf?" Bella asks snidely.

Sirius snorts. "He's wizard…don't muddy his name by calling him a vampire."

"Well it's muddied enough with him hanging around with the like of Lily Potter all the time." Bellatrix said rudely. Sirius glared at her.

"And with the likes of Remus Lupin," Bellatrix added infuriatingly. Sirius glare intensified.

"Even Pettigrew would be a better candidate for my affections." Bellatrix added mockingly to Sirius who, if glared anymore, might just find his face fall off.

"Aha! So it is Pettigrew you like?" Jacob pounced.

"What a rattish name…" Bella sniffed. (Again, ironic much…?)

"Oh MERLIN!" Sirius choked out, barely able to hold in his laughter. "That would be incredible. I think dear Uncle Cygnus might have a hippogriff if with the thoughts of you marrying a half-blood."

"Shut up, I'll tell Tom on you, otherwise!" Bellatrix screeched.

"Tom Felton?" Bella asked.

"Tom Hanks?" Jacob inquired.

"Tom Riddle?" Sirius asked, shock etched on his face.

"Who the hell is Tom Felton?" Sirius asked, momentarily distracted.

"Who the hell is Tom Hanks?" Bella asked, also momentarily distracted.

"Who the hell is Tom Riddle?" Jacob asked, momentarily distracted too.

"Tom Felton is a Muggle look alike of my dear nephew. Tom Hanks is the guy whose momma always said that life is like a box of chocolates, who is the guy who believes in the Da Vinci Code. Now Tom Riddle…" Bellatrix has to stop because a discreet blush is descending on her cheeks.

"Oh Goodness!" Bella whispers.

"You fancy Tom!" Jacob also whispers.

Sirius starts to laugh maniacally. "I can't believe it! Uncle Cygnus would have a Hippogriff at the prospect of a Black marrying a half-blood!"

"SHUT UP! No one is supposed to know about his Muggle father. He'll kill you for that." Bellatrix almost feels like pulling out her hair.

Bella and Jacob dance in a weird manner around Sirius and Bellatrix while shouting "The black lady loves Tom Riddle!"

"You MORONS I do NOT want to marry Voldemort, damn it!"

"Bella, you fool!" Sirius yelled sudden panic on his face. "The name is a taboo!"

**CRACK** Voldemort has appeared, brandishing…a wooden stick.

Bella rolls her eyes and turns to Jacob, "Why do they always carry twigs around with them?"

"M. -M-my Lord?" Bellatrix squeaks.

"Bella..." Lord Voldemort begins, gravely, but is interrupted.

"Yeh, what's up old man?" Bella speaks up.

"What is this? Black have you finally lost your marbles?" Voldemort asks Sirius.

"The hell?" Sirius asks confused.

"Are you calling my future mother-in-law, a _thing?_"

"Who _are _you?" Voldemort hisses.

"I'm Bella." Bella says.

"And I'm a Black." Jacob adds.

"Then who are _you?_" Voldemort asks the wizard and witch, reaching his breaking point.

Bellatrix looks at Bella and they grin. "I'm Bella, Tom."

"And I'm a Black," Sirius grins.

"NYYUUUUUUH!" Voldemort screams, confused to Merlin-land and back.

"Well whoever you are, you dared to say my name. I will kill you all!"

"AVADA KEDAV…" but a bespectacled young man stops him.

"Oh my goodness, it's that ugly brat from when I first met Bellatrix!" Bella gasps out, excitedly.

"He's Harry _freaking _Potter."

"Hello Tom," Harry says menacingly.

"Hello Harry," Tom replies serenely.

"Let's finish this off the way we started…" Harry began, reaching for Voldemort's shoulder.

"TOGETHER!" Voldemort shouts.

And then they jump off the reservation…leaving the world forever.

"So that's it?" Sirius muttered

"We saved the world from an evil dark lord…and that's it?" Jacob asked, no one in particular.

"Come on, Bellatrix you can tell us who you _really _have a crush on now, at least," Bella pleaded.

"Oh alright…It's…Reggy."

"WHAT?" Sirius yelped, disgust plain on his face.

"EWWWWW! That's incest." Bella said in horror.

"Hello…we _are _the Blacks…incest is out middle name." Jacob finished.

The Bellas and the Blacks stared at each other, sheepishly, at their sudden overreaction.

"Well, I guess. After all your sister likes your cousin, no?" Bella said to Jacob, who nodded.

"I guess Uncle Cygnus won't be having a Hippogriff after all. He'll be so proud that his oldest daughter is marrying a good and proper Black.

They all smiled at each other and everyone lived happily ever after…err, well Bella did…she's the only one who became a vampire.

Bellatrix dies due to an angry redhead.

A curtain killed Sirius Black and Jacob Black tried to get vengeance on said curtain and ended up getting strangled and died.

**A/N: Right? Review? Please? For the sake of Sirius and Jacob?**


End file.
